Though best-known for his TV series, as Allen's quick to point out, his stand-up routine wasn't the G-rated family fare of his "Home Improvement" series and this interview reflects his more R-rated material. While the expletives have been semi-bleeped, be forewarned, this is Tim Allen speaking not Tim the Tool Man. That said, here's what Tim Allen has to say about taking on yet another Christmas movie, the possibility of a "Toy Story 3," and the status of "Santa Clause 3:"
INTERVIEW WITH TIM ALLEN:
How much gunk did they put on you for the tanning scene?
Well, number one, I’d have to have people rubbing me while I’m in a very, too-small Speedo, standing around grips and real men. “Oh boy, there’s a job right there,” you can hear people grumbling. You’re all greasy and there’s people going, “Are you comfortable?” “No, I’m not comfortable. I don’t think this is right.” It was days of different ointments and emollients trying to get the color right. Just the right greasy, shiny, bulls**t, it was horrible. There was a woman who has to rub you down and there’s other people watching. I go, “I don’t think this is good.”
Did you have any qualms about doing another Christmas movie?
This one happens to be the first movie I’ve done where the script is this good. John Grisham wrote a great book and Chris Columbus made it even better. And Joe Roth said, “I’d like to get Jamie Lee Curtis and Aykroyd to play against you.” And I went, “Boy…”
It wouldn’t be my first choice to do a Christmas movie because I have two others with Revolution that are ready to go. This came up first. And it wasn’t do this or don’t do the others. They just said, “How would you feel about this?” I said, “Yeah…” It was kind of what Sigourney Weaver said about “Galaxy Quest.” She’d done alien movies and she goes, “The first pick is not to do another space movie where I play this.” But it was so different than what she’d played, she goes, “I love it.” But it was a big chance for her. I always remember that. I said, “This is not what I want to do. A Christmas movie at Christmas time. Like Will Smith has 4th of July.” I reset getting into grooves or ruts, depending on your point of view.
[The “Christmas with the Kranks” script] came in one afternoon and Joe says, “Do you want to do it? I said, “God, I’ve got four weeks between these two movies. Could you fit it in?” I’ve never done that where you fit a movie in. He goes, “I’ll do it.” And Disney said yes. And everybody says yes. And Jamie Lee – everything was beautiful. I’ve never had more fun on a [film]. It moved fast and it was big howling laughter. I mean it was as much fun to do as it was… I’ve only seen the first cut so if you’ve all seen it, I haven’t seen with the music and all the stuff that really makes it.
Would you do something alternative, like a “Bad Santa” style movie?
Hell, yeah. I’d love to. Hell, yeah. The trouble is that people don’t want to see it. We did it for “Cletis Tout.” I play a murderer and the first cut of that was I killed three people. I shot them in the face. They screened it and people were going [in a crying voice], “Oh God, the Tool Man just shot people. Oh God!” I said, “What do you expect?” You wanted me for this movie but this is what I do. I mean, I can shoot people. I’m an actor. But you see me doing stuff and people get used to what you’re doing. “There’s other actors that can play villains. We don’t want to see you play a villain.” This is how I feel about it. I don’t know exactly what the population senses.
“Let Bruce Willis shoot people in the face because he can’t do the goofy, weird s**t that you can do. So just do the goofy, weird s**t and let him do that.” I like to play against type. I have scripts that I’ve pitched and then the studio goes, “I don’t think people want to see you do that.” And that translates as, “We’re not going to pay you to do that because we have other guys that would do that. We like your script. We’ll pay to have somebody else do it, but you kind of do goofy family s**t and that’s what we’d like you to keep doing.” And I have no problem with that. I understand that.
If you know my stand-up, it’s not goofy, family s**t. I was a pretty dark comedian. And scatological at times, and genitals and f**king and women and men and f**k you, f**k, f**k. And then all of a sudden I’m the family guy on “Home Improvement” and I don’t know how that happened because it certainly wasn’t my act. That was my act, but peppered with a lot of blue stuff. Then all of a sudden I’m the family guy and I think I know what’s appropriate for children because I know exactly what’s inappropriate because I did it most of my life.
Tim Allen on Stand-Up, Anger, and Pork
