'Nine' Movie Review

Director Rob Marshall's no stranger to musicals having directed the TV film Annie and the Oscar-winning movie, Chicago, as well as earning six Tony Award nominations for his work on stage. Marshall, on paper, seemed to be the most obvious choice to helm the film adaptation of the stage musical Nine, a musical inspired by Federico Fellini's autobiographical film, 8 1/2. But Nine's dark subject matter combined with Marshall's unimpressive choreography are no cause for a standing ovation.

Movie musicals are kind of back in vogue, though they're still not nearly as popular as they were 40+ years ago. Still, there has been at least one big musical production put out by a major studio almost every year of this decade. And those films have all made their way onto my Top 10 lists representing the years they were released. Nine's not going to make it in 2009. In fact, Nine's this/close to being on my naughty list for delivering a holiday gift you can't return or exchange. Director/choreographer Rob Marshall's gift to audiences is a musical lacking enthusiasm, lacking any memorable songs, and just overall lacking any semblance of an entertaining story.

The Story

Italian filmmaker Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis) used to be universally loved as a director. But recently a string of box office failures have everyone - including his producer - worrying that his creative well has dried up. With flop sweat dripping from his brow, and even though he hasn't written a sentence of the script and doesn't have the foggiest idea about the plot, a press conference has been called to announce the start of production of his new film.

Guido's back is against the ropes and he wants to be left alone to think, but the financial backers and producer won't give him the time and space he desires in order to be creative. He needs help - and fast - or the production will be shut down. Inspiration comes in the form of several muses who pop in and out of Nine so quickly there's no need to learn their names. None of these woman can provide him with the inspiration necessary to complete the script, except his long-suffering wife. But she's had enough of Guido's philandering and lying, and without her help, Guido can't get his act together enough to get through Act 1.

The Cast

As Guido's fiery mistress, Penelope Cruz sizzles. It's too bad there's not more of her in Nine; she could have maybe helped to right a sinking ship. Judi Dench is fun but forgettable as Guido's costume designer and confidant. Nicole Kidman is totally out of place playing this megastar who has worked with Guido several times in the past. Kidman's attempt at an Italian accent is just plain horrendous and jolting. Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas shows up for a brief moment to play a whore Guido knew as a child. She too, like Cruz, is gone far too soon. Fergie, of course, blows everyone else away vocally before she leaves. Kate Hudson looks so much like her mom, Goldie Hawn, dressed up in a sparkling go-go outfit and talk/singing her way through a poorly edited dance routine, you can't help but watch and compare the two. Hudson's okay as an American journalist, but she's also lost in the floundering musical numbers.

Nine represents the first time I've witnessed Daniel Day-Lewis acting his way through a movie, and his Italian accent is distracting. This isn't a part he slips into and disappears the way he's done with every role on his lengthy filmography.

The only one who comes out of this unscathed is Marion Cotillard. Cotillard rises far, far above the material, squeezing some delicious cinematic lemonade out of the sack of lemons she was given to work with. As Guido's wife, Cotillard feels real while everyone else seems to be play-acting their way through their parts.

The Bottom Line

The musical numbers are not smoothly integrated into the story. Lots of serious dialogue, take a break with a stagey musical number, return to serious dialogue, take a break with... You get the point. And, you know, it could have worked, despite the herky jerky installation of the numbers within the film, if any of the music and dance interludes were noteworthy. But 90% of the songs from Nine, and their accompanying dance numbers, are utterly forgettable.

Where's the fire? It's all about these diverse women who are his muses, yet not a one of them - other than Marion Cotillard's character - ignites a spark. Where's the electricity needed to make this musical burst from the screen? Just seeing scantily clad pretty ladies isn't enough. There's no development of any of these characters, including Daniel Day-Lewis' Guido. As written here, he's not only uninspired but uninspiring.

A lesson I picked up from TV's Glee is that if you're worried about the actual content of your musical numbers, then give the dancers big hair. It distracts viewers from actually registering the lack of adequacy of the dance numbers. I had a head-slapping moment watching Nine when it all clicked together. Nine used the big hair trick to deceive audiences into thinking there's something of substance in the musical routines. There's not. It's all smoke and mirrors, real 'big hair' parlor tricks.

I didn't see the Tony Award-winning play so I don't know have faithful this adaptation is, but I do know it doesn't work for me on the big screen. I'm not wowed; I'm not moved. I'm left feeling nothing other than I've basically wasted two hours waiting for something to explode only to be entertained by a sparkler rather than a full-on fireworks display.

I wanted to love it. I'm a big fan of the genre and wanted Nine to be such a huge hit that it would bring musicals back into the spotlight - and help get more films of the genre greenlit at other studios. But, alas, Nine doesn't bring the razzle dazzle.

Even though everyone involved fakes their way through Italian accents in Nine, I'm going to change things up and bring a little German to the table. I'm saying nein to Nine.

GRADE: C-

Nine was directed by Rob Marshall and is rated PG-13 for sexual content and smoking.

Theatrical Release Dates: December 18, 2009 (Limited), December 25, 2009 (Wide)

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