I think I can take responsibility and blame better than Richard Gere's character in Rodanthe. I know I don't have the patience of Noah from The Notebook. I would to read to her as an old couple, but not to court her as a young guy. How do I work on that?
Nicholas Sparks: "Patience of courting, well, let's see. Well, that's good that you know that but then you probably shouldn't think of it in those terms. My wife is my best friend. So instead of courting, why don't you make a friend? Now that's not bad because friends share common interests, whatever those are. It doesn't matter. As I said, I don't care what anyone's interests are as long as they share them in common. Not all of them because you also have to be your own person, mind you. But you've got to have enough together."
On behalf of my female readers, what should the female lovelorn try to do to have their great love story?
Nicholas Sparks: "That is challenging as well and it tends to be a little bit more challenging because generally they don't instigate. Or if they do, it's misinterpreted. They don't ask the one out. That's tougher, but again, even though it can be tougher, the secret is still the same. First, you have to know who you are. What do you want? Do you want to live in the suburbs? Then you'd better not be hanging out with the downtown crowd because that's probably not where you're going to find them. You'll probably find guys who are interested in the suburbs off in church or in parks or things like that. If you want to have a career instead of children, well then you might be better off in the city. So again, it comes down to knowing yourself and then all right, these are the things I like, this is what I'm looking for. Where is the most likely place to find people like this that I like? Then you go there. Will it work? No. But that's the best you can do."
You've really got me thinking about choosing the right person in the first place. I was married once, and she didn't really appreciate the little gestures, so therefore it became harder to get motivated to do them.
Nicholas Sparks: "Right. That's not what she needed. You choose well. In any relationship people have their needs and you have your needs. The whole goal is to satisfy their needs and to want to do that while they want to satisfy yours, whatever those are. They may not be the ones you expect."
Do you have a happily ever after story in you?
Nicholas Sparks: "I write them. People just don't remember them. They don't make movies about them. The Wedding is probably the happiest, most uplifting, positive ending of any novel ever."
Letter writing is a major part of the Rodanthe romance. Should I maybe ask for mailing addresses instead of phone numbers and write love letters?
Nicholas Sparks: "No, not on a first date. That's creepy. That would definitely be creepy. The best thing to do is, as I said, what are they interested in that you're also interested in? Then say, 'Hey, this is going on. You wanna grab coffee and check that out?' That's what you do. Then there you go."
What do you think of online dating?
Nicholas Sparks: "There's good and bad with online dating in that you can kind of sift through quickly. It's good for a lot of people. It's a good starting point. Of course, online dating comes to an end the moment you meet. If after you meet, you go back to online dating, I'll tell you what, it ain't gonna work. So it could be an okay filtering mechanism as long as you're very honest. You say, 'Look, this is who I am. These are my interests. This is what I'm looking for.' Are you looking to get married in the next five years? Are you looking to have children? Are you looking never to have children? Do you earn a living? Are you going to do this forever or are you not? What are your interests? These are the things I'm interested in. Boom. This is who I am in a nutshell. If you put that out, they'll get responses then you have to find out whether they're being truthful with their responses. But at least by putting it out, they can't come back and say, 'Well, that's not what you said. I thought you were this.' You see what I mean? So it's a good filter as long as you realize it's just a filter.
In the end, there you go. I don't think it's like selling a house, in other words. You don't put cozy when it's just one bedroom. You can't false package or it ain't gonna work. It's just not going to work so don't false package. Here you are. Know who you are. Put who you are in there and then there you go."
What about all those Mystery Methods and The Game?
Nicholas Sparks: "No, absolutely not. Playing games. Heck no, man. You're dealing with your life."
