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'Napoleon Dynamite' Movie Quotes

Some of the Best Lines from "Napoleon Dynamite" Starring Jon Heder


'Napoleon Dynamite' Movie Quotes
© Fox Searchlight

Napoleon Dynamite Quotes

Kid on the Bus – What are you going to do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon Dynamite – Whatever I feel like I wanna do! Gosh!

Don – Hey Napoleon, what did you do all last summer again?
Napoleon Dynamite – I told you. I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines.
Don – Did you shoot any?
Napoleon Dynamite – Yes, like 50 of ‘em! They kept trying to attack my cousins. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Don – What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon Dynamite – A freakin’ 12 gauge! What do you think?!

Kip – Hi.
Napoleon Dynamite – Is grandma there?
Kip – No. She’s getting her hair done.
Napoleon Dynamite – Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Kip – What do you need?
Napoleon Dynamite – Could you just go get her for me?
Kip - I’m really busy right now.
Napoleon Dynamite - Well, just tell her to come get me.
Kip – Why?
Napoleon Dynamite – Cuz I don’t feel good.
Kip – Well have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon Dynamite – No, she doesn’t know anything.
Napoleon Dynamite – Will you just come get me?
Kip – No.
Napoleon Dynamite – Well, will you do me a favor then?
Kip – What?
Napoleon Dynamite – Can you bring me my chapstick?
Kip – No, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite – But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip – Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like 5 or 6 in her drawer.
Napoleon Dynamite – I’m not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip – See ya.
Napoleon Dynamite – Ugh! Idiot!

Napoleon Dynamite - What kind of bike do you have?
Pedro - It's a Sledgehammer.
Napoleon Dynamite - Dang! You got shocks, pegs - lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps?

Grandma – How was school?
Napoleon Dynamite – The worst day of my life, what do you think?!

Napoleon Dynamite – What’s there to eat?
Grandma – Knock it off, Napoleon. Make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh!

Napoleon Dynamite - Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.
Kip - Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon Dynamite - Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.

Deb - I'm trying to earn money for college.
Kip - [yells in the background] Your mom goes to college!

Napoleon Dynamite – Tina you fat lard! Come get some dinner! Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!

Uncle Rico – Back in ’82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile.
Kip – Are you serious?
Uncle Rico – I’m dead serious.

Uncle Rico – How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains? Well, if coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we’d have been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind. You better believe things had been different. I’d have gone pro in a heartbeat. I’d be making millions of dollars and living in a big ol’ mansion somewhere, soaking it up in a hot tub with my soul mate.

Deb - What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite - A liger.
Deb - What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite - It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed…bred for its skills in magic.

Napoleon Dynamite – Well, nobody’s going to go out with me!
Pedro – Have you asked anybody yet?
Napoleon Dynamite – No, but who would? I don’t even have any good skills.
Pedro – What do you mean?
Napoleon Dynamite – You know, like numchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.

Uncle Rico – Napoleon, it looks like you don’t have a job. So why don’t you get out there and feed Tina?
Napoleon - Why don’t you go eat a decroded piece of crap!

Napoleon Dynamite – Do the chickens have large talons?
Farmer – Do they have what?
Napoleon Dynamite - Large talons?
Farmer - I don’t understand a word you just said.

Napoleon Dynamite – I like your sleeves. They’re real big.

Napoleon Dynamite – Pedro offers you his protection.

Napoleon Dynamite - Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico - She didn't tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite - Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all of our steak.
Uncle Rico - I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite - Get off my property!
Uncle Rico - It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon Dynamite - Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico - Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon Dynamite - Maybe I will, GOSH!

Pedro – If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true.

Napoleon Dynamite – I caught you a delicious bass.

Kip’s Wedding Song - Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever. We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom. Sure the world wide web is great but you, you make my salivate. Yes, I love technology but not as much as you, you see. But I STILL love technology. Always and forever.

Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above. Always and forever. Always and forever. Yes, our love is truly great. Always and forever. Why do you need me? Why do you love me?


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