How much do I loathe I Love You, Beth Cooper? Let me break it down for you. It's a misguided, miscast, misleading, mistake of a film. I don't like, much less love, Beth Cooper. Every teen movie about a geek falling for the cool kid in school provides fodder for I Love You, Beth Cooper, however what Beth Cooper does is take bits from every successful high school comedy and remove anything funny. Instead, screenwriter Larry Doyle (Looney Tunes: Back in Action, Duplex) and director Chris Columbus load this thing with characters you don't care about, can't stand, and just want to make shut up and go away.
This isn't a feel-good summer teen comedy about a group of wacky high school graduates cutting loose before settling down for college or jobs or whatnot. I Love You, Beth Cooper is mean-spirited, finding its 'humor' in a running joke about one of the lead actors being afraid to admit he's gay, drunk driving, and cocaine usage. It even alludes to date rape being funny. Picture those ingredients put forth together on the screen with dialogue that's unbelievably cliché-ridden and dull. Got the picture? Don't see the film.
Paul Rust and Hayden Panettiere in 'I Love You, Beth Cooper.'
© 20th Century Fox
The Plot
Denis Cooverman (Paul Rust) is Buffalo Grove High School's class valedictorian, a stereotypically geeky guy who - although he's supposed to be intelligent - decides to use his graduation speech to say everything that's been on his mind the last few years. He calls out his fellow students, urging them to accept who they really are. The idea to seize the day and go for it was planted by his best friend, Rich (Jack T Carpenter), a movie-obsessed drama club member. But Rich probably didn't expect Denis to use the opportunity to urge him out of the closet, a joke that will raise its ugly head every five minutes or so throughout the remainder of the film.Denis also announces he's been in love with Beth Cooper for years. Beth Cooper (Hayden Panettiere), of course, doesn't know he exists. She's the head cheerleader, beautiful and popular, with a neanderthal coked-up boyfriend who's either in ROTC or the military or something of the sort. Whatever. He's not in high school anymore, but he hangs out there. But even though she's got a boyfriend who could turn him into a pretzel, Denis proclaims for all to hear: "I love you, Beth Cooper."
After embarrassing himself, his parents, and every high school valedictorian who ever existed with his inappropriate speech, Denis is totally shocked that Beth and her sidekicks - you know, the smart, dark-haired one who looks down her nose at everything and the slutty blonde with big boobs - actually show up at his house that afternoon for a grad-night party that doesn't really exist. Beth's visit with Denis pisses off her muscle-bound boyfriend, Kevin, and using GPS he tracks her down and destroys Denis' face as well as his kitchen and dining room (we're not talking a few smashed plates or broken glasses). Barely escaping with their lives, Denis, Rich, and the girls head off on a night full of some of the most ludicrous, destructive, and insane behavior ever packed into a teen comedy.
The Bottom Line
I'd like to be able to say that despite what they were given to work with, this cast rises above the material. I'd like to say that, but can't. Paul Rust shouldn't be in this movie. At 28, Rust doesn't look like a teenager, doesn't act like a teenager, and his lusting after Panettiere is all a little weird to watch. Even Hayden Panettiere can't make Beth Cooper into anything more than an one-dimensional cheerleading airhead who thinks her life is over now that she's graduated.
A scene from 'I Love You, Beth Cooper.'
© 20th Century Fox
Where's John Hughes when you need him?
GRADE: D-
I Love You, Beth Cooper was directed by Chris Columbus and is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content, language, some teen drinking and drug references, and brief violence.
Theatrical Release Date: July 10, 2009
