DONNIE: Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?
FRANK: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
DONNIE: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?
GRETCHEN: You're weird.
DONNIE: Sorry.
GRETCHEN: No, that was a compliment.
KITTY FARMER: Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
DONNIE (In a letter): Dear Roberta Sparrow - I have reached the end of your book and there are so many things that I need to ask you. Sometimes I'm afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
DONNIE: How's it feel to have a wacko for a son?
ROSE DARKO: It feels wonderful.
DONNIE: Frank, when's this gonna stop?
FRANK: You should already know that.
