Product placements, quick music video-style cutting, tons of explosions, storylines that go nowhere, and nonsensical dialogue add up to one big downer for fans of the “Blade” series. You know there’s trouble in “Blade”-land when the audience laughs at the explosions – and at Parker Posey’s hair – more than they do at the lines that were intended to be jokes. And while we're on the topic of Parker Posey, what the heck was she thinking? She’s ridiculously out of place in “Blade: Trinity.” Posey has trouble talking around her vampire teeth and moving around in her vampire costumes. Normally a decent actress, Posey’s performance is just squirm-inducing uncomfortable to watch.
As far as the story goes, it’s pretty much the usual “Blade” fare with Snipes kicking butt on vampires and others who stand in his way, look at him wrong, or just meet up with him when he’s in a particularly foul mood. In order to get butts in the seats, writer/director David Goyer added two young hot bodies to help out the veteran vampire killer. Jessica Biel stars as Whistler’s daughter, Abigail, and Ryan Reynolds co-stars as Hannibal King, a reformed vampire who now slays the fanged ones while tossing out witty quips. Just how someone becomes a ‘reformed vampire’ isn’t addressed, but I’m thinking that story must have been more interesting than the plot of “Blade: Trinity.”
Reynolds’ Hannibal King is there for comic relief, a fact which annoys Snipes/Blade as much as it’s bound to annoy the audience after a while. Though Reynolds’ lines do hit the mark more often than not, the humor is forced and grows old by the movie’s mid-point. It’s like Reynolds is wearing a big flashing neon ‘clown’ sign. You can’t really expect subtle performances in a “Blade” movie, but you can expect Goyer, the man who wrote all the “Blade” movies, to appreciate what worked in the first two movies and understand how the comedy in the first two films worked because it wasn’t telegraphed in advance by the appearance of one particular character.
The big bad in this “Blade” is Dracula himself (Dominic Purcell) who looks more like a hybrid version of a Predator than a vampire. A gang of vamps, led by Parker Posey’s character, dig up the old guy and need him to stop Blade from eliminating the vampires. Blade has to face-off with Dracula and inject him with a serum that’ll destroy all the vampires - or something of the sort. By the time the blind scientist explained what was supposed to happen, I’d tuned out most of the dialogue.
Reynolds and Biel add some spark to the franchise, and creating a spin-off with those two in the lead makes sense from a monetary point of view. The energy level and spirit of “Blade: Trinity” does kick up a beat whenever the film focuses on either of their characters. There’s no denying Reynolds and Biel look hot and can both handle the action sequences, and it’s possible they could carry a spin-off of “Blade” that – with a good script – would work better than the limping “Trinity” does.
And poor Wesley Snipes. He appears to be tired of the whole thing. Snipes doesn’t phone in his performance, but the adrenaline rush of watching him in the first two “Blade” movies is gone. Scowling at his young co-stars onscreen, you can’t help but feel Snipes would love to be anywhere but in another “Blade” film.
“Blade: Trinity” is filled with characters straight out of central casting. You’ve got the affable boob, the muscular beauty who appears naked in a shower scene (don’t get too worked up, it’s pretty tame), and the glowering “Blade” veteran who dislikes the young upstarts. What’s missing is any sort of coherent story that ties the leads together. Lightning quick cuts, explosions, fireballs, and special effects can’t save “Blade: Trinity” from being a dull, disappointing conclusion to the “Blade” franchise.
GRADE: C-
"Blade: Trinity" was directed by David Goyer and is rated R for strong pervasive violence and language, and some sexual content.
